7am bucket of thoughts

For someone who slept at 3.30, I'm literally cursing myself for this so-called insomnia. Don't really know what's bothering me actually. Many to be exact, but the one which is causing me to wake up? no clue.

One for sure, I'm gonna exaggerate, is the emotional trauma [i just adore being dramatic don't i?] i'm going throught waiting for the ever-so-long-ago exam results, which I sat for on the 18th of January, peopleeee!!! It has ever been this late and rumour has it that the exam office lost a few papers. Gee~ *here is when isla would start praying it's his paper which is missing*...talk about being alllll responsible and all those crap. If those rumours are true, and mine goes missing, there's no bloody way I'm gonna repeat my papers without any compensation from the college! *here's when isla would turn around and pray that his papers are NOT missing*

Second...I'm suddenly sick-worried about moving to Penang. Just the jitters I guess. New environment. 50% new classmates. Living alone. At times I think it's cool, but at times I start to wonder, what if some people were right about being lonely? My social life is not my #1 worry at all....in fact it's not even on my 'worry list'. My whole pursue to become 'anti-social' apparently is being rated 'IMPOSSIBLE' by more than 10 people and counting.

Then my mind starts thinking about the hospitals...am I competent enough to make it as a student, and as a doctor in the future. For crying out loud, most of the time I have no idea what's happening in class! But alls'okay, I wont give up. I'll try. I always do. I was frickin' scared about going to Dublin and knowing -nil- amount of people...I survived didn't I?

And then it comes to the part where me being 22 [stressfully aging to 23 in a matter of a few more months] .....[OH FECKKK!!! I FORGOT TO WISH YVONNE HAPPY BIRTHDAY ON THE 1ST OF MARCH!!! FECK FECK FECK!!!]...I'm still studying, I'm still depending 100% on my parents [leaning more to Abah actually], I have no income [only allowances which is no big hurdle to ask for at all!] and I've never tried working my entire life. A princess indeed. I look around, my friends are putting downpayments for a variety of things using their own earnings. Some are happy, some are depressed, and some are stuck. I'm gonna be 25 when I graduate. By that time, some of my friends are going to be successful, some married, some still stuck in a rut. But it's just going to be a beginning for me. A beginning of what? A future which I can't predict? Life is only 30% luck, and I hope I'll never run out of it. I want [not dream!] a future living that is the same level [or even better] than what I'm having now...all with my own hardwork, no support from Abah. Well maybe as a foundation during my first few months of work. Then I'll pay him back. Someway or another. He wont be there for me for the rest of my life. I wanna see how far I can go by myself.

So we'll see right?

I have noooo idea why I'm babbling all these down on a....public blog! Seriously! Well I'm hungry and for once since I got back I'm gonna make mummy happy by going downstairs for breakfast!

taa~