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It's been a very long time since I've been utterly down. Don't really feel like blogging, but a few out there told me to update things.

When a situation presents itself to anyone in a pretty remarkable manner, this is the thought that rings in your mind and becomes a monster when the lights are out and you are about to sleep:

Why me?

You have the following choices, in order to have some semblance of a normal life:

• wallow in self-pity of be comforted by the pity of others
• develop a rabid, positive attitude towards your situation that even your family might question
• You 'redha' and 'berserah' like all good Muslims, meaning that you leave everything in the hands of God and get on with life

Some Muslims can be fatalistic about so many things. I don't know if this is a misinterpretation of the value of leaving everything to God, and that God is All Knowing. Yet, we ask: if God has preordained our fate, then is there any point hoping? Surely we can change our destiny? Prayers are not only remembrance of God, but also a talk to God so that certain conditions can be changed, so you have a better life.

It must be weird for all that I'm suddenly babbling like an Ustazah. I think I'm actually a better Muslim overseas than I am at home. Perhaps it is the distance that makes it so, and because over there I am a minority.

I've just been doing a lot of thinking. This whole week has been overcome by numerous ups & and mostly downs. And I guess, being human as human can be, it's only when things go wrong you start thinking of God.